My Story...

I wrote the following about a year ago:


Pain sucks.
Pain hurts.
But, sometimes, we thrive on it.
Why? Because, for some people, it’s the only thing we know how to feel.
It’s the only thing that’s been there your whole life.
Whether it’s physical, emotional, mental, or by some other means, it’s not always on the surface.
Anger in my life is mostly on the surface.
Happiness is on the surface.
Betrayal, not on the surface.
Broken heart, not on the surface.
The feeling of feeling unwanted, uncared for, not on the surface.
These run deep for me. Very deep.
Yet, nobody understands.
I cover it with a façade, telling no one, and continue to pretend to love life.
I do stupid, unimportant things, and I hang out with others I have grown to be truly fond of just to keep  myself from constantly, always, thriving on my pain.
I text people, call people, hang out with people, party with people.
Because having a connection with others is the only thing that keeps me going.
Without having others to “enjoy” life with, what is the point.
I say I don’t care what people think, and I don’t.
But I put up a front day after day, and never show my true feelings.
It’s not as much for them as it is for me.
Without the front, I would completely lose it. But, hopefully, things will change soon.
I am truly trying to change things and giving meaning to MY life.
I’m not saying these things to upset others.
In fact, I’m not sure if anybody will ever see this.
It depends on how all this goes.
But first, I need to get this all out, and this is the only way that I think I can,
I’m sure I have others that would be here for me now, but I can only think of one.
And, putting that burden on her is something I don’t want to do.
Putting things into words will help; it honestly already is.
So I’m going to write down everything I believe that will help me recover from what I did a few years ago that is just now really sinking in, I thought I understood what I tried to do several years ago.
But, I didn’t. I most certainly did not. And now I know that for sure.
How do I know? Because I now understand almost completely,
I can’t understand it all, because if I did, I wouldn’t be writing this now.
I occasionally thinks of doing the same thing again, but I can never come up with a rational reason why.
It’s all emotional, always has been.
I believe that’s why I try not to get too close to others.
Getting close to others makes me feel for them, when I can hardly feel for myself.
I already feel much better, not holding this in anymore.
And I’ve barely begun getting things off my chest, so this is really going to help. I hope.
I lost two loved ones within a month, and it honestly almost killed me.
I’ve never told anybody, and don’t plan to anytime soon.
The first couple of weeks after both I was numb, kept to myself. Averted myself from both my pain and others.
After a while, though, I just couldn’t deal anymore. I’ve always been oversensitive and this had put me on overload.
One night, about a month after the second death of someone I cared about, I made a decision without even thinking about it. After my parents went to bed, I got out of mine for the first time in a couple of days.
I went into my kitchen and grabbed a bottle of aspirin.
I wasn’t intending on using them for anything other than taking a couple for a headache I had for days as a result of crying and being upset so much.
I took the bottle to my room, took two aspirin, and laid back down.
The headache didn’t go away, so I took another.
The headache was still there, and it was getting unbearable, to the point where I’d do anything to make it stop. I take that back. I don’t think the headache was that bad. What was bad was the emotional pain that gave me the headache. So, again, I took two more. Five aspirin? No big deal, I’ll be fine. But I still wasn’t, so I took three more. And another one just in case. That’s nine aspirin. At this point, I knew what I was doing. I thought I wanted to die. But, I was also scared because I knew there was so much life to live. But, life hurt, and I wanted to get away from that, so I took four more. Yeah, lucky number thirteen. After taking thirteen, I lost it. I even thought about texting someone, but I could hardly open my flip phone.

Just the other day, my friends were telling me about Katt Williams and how hilarious he is, so I decided to watch some YouTube videos of him. And, he is very funny. I’ve watched his videos a lot in the past few days. But, there’s one video of him talking about smoking weed, and he talking about how it’s not a drug and people can’t overdose on weed. But, he says something about how if you take thirteen, it’ll be your last headache. And that’s what I wanted that night, wasn’t it? No more headaches. No more pain or suffering of any kind. I just wanted to end it all. You know, I just realized that I’m writing this as if someone who doesn’t know a thing about me may read it, but I think this is the only way that I can honestly say I’ve gotten this off my chest.
Anyway, after breaking down, and reconsidering things over and over, I realized that I had already taken thirteen, and that it was probably too late. So, I proceeded to take more. And more. By the time I went to sleep that night, I had taken 31 aspirin. I don’t know how I remember that number to this day, but I do. I’ve tried to push the number out of my mind so many times. To forget about that night. But, painfully, that’s not how life works. I woke up the next morning feeling awful, wondering if it was a dream. But, deep down, I knew it wasn’t. On my dresser, I found an empty bottle of aspirin to prove my gut feeling.
I had tried to kill myself.
I tried to take the easy way out.
To this day I sometimes wish that it had worked. On days like today when I feel like I can’t deal with my pathetic self any longer. But, I believe that it was God’s will for me to live through taking 13 aspirin in one night, and I believe that’s the only thing that has kept me from doing it again. Oh, believe me, I have thought about doing it plenty of times since then. I could easily take more than 31 aspirin tonight and be done with everything. But I’m not. I just can’t/. I have to be strong. I have been strong since that night. It, of course, changed my life. I realized suicide is a coward’s way out. You let everyone. Well, not quite everyone you love. Deal with the pain and suffering instead of you. That is so selfish. That is another thing I have to remind myself often. Do I want to do that to the people I love? To my friends? My family? My parents? No, I don’t. But sometimes, I almost slip when I feel completely awful, and make the same mistake
I did that night. But I have yet to try to OD again, and hopefully I never will. It was the worst mistake of my life. And luckily, I lived through it. I survived and came out stronger. At least that’s what I like to think, considering I haven’t tried it again.

The World Needs More People Like This...

October 12,2012:

"My name is Dereck Moody, I work at SCC05 in Taylors SC... Today I had a customer come in for two tires, she was badly in need of four but could only afford the two, she paid for her two tires and went to wait in the waiting room... As her car was being worked on another customer came up to me and asked how much it would be to put two more tires on for her... He paid for her tires, wrote her a note and left without saying a word to her... When the work was complete I told her what happened, gave her the note that he wrote and she almost came to tears with gratitude... It just goes to show that there are good people out there, they just hide in the shadows not seeking acknowledgement for their good deeds... I have never actually been witness to such altruism until today and I'm still in awe of this person... I just wanted to share this story with everyone and want to be able to pass on some hope for the less fortunate that good things can and do happen, I know my customer and her child will be safe now thanks to a complete stranger!"

This is truly amazing, and although it has nothing to do with bullying, it sets a good example for people. Hopefully this story will inspire others to be generous to others.

Rest in Peace, Felicia Garcia

I have just heard yet another story of a young girl who committed suicide as a result of those around her being cruel, and it still makes me just as sick as the first time I heard of somebody taking their own life.

On October 24, 2012, 15 year old Felicia Garcia jumped in front of a train in Staten Island to end her own life. Felicia had been bullied and tormented by her classmates, who actually witnessed her jump as the train station was packed with fellow high school students when she suddenly broke away from the crowd and jumped. Her friends blame bullying. 

"She got bullied in the school, especially by the football players, because she looked different and had piercings." -Amanda Liquori

"She wouldn't have done it if she wasn't bullied. All this girl wanted was to be left alone. And nobody could do that for her." -Alyssa Compitello

Felicia Garcia did not deserve what she went through. There is no reason that anyone should have to go through things so depressing that would make them want to take their own life. Yet, continually, people in this world bully others and push them over the edge to do so. Bullies, such as these football players are despicable, and I hope that they've realized they made a mistake and won't treat anybody like they did Garcia. Although it shouldn't have went this far to do so, Garcia may have made a change at her school.

Rest in peace, Felicia

What Am I Doing Wrong?!

My Facebook page has so far only gotten 25 likes. While that is a decent amount, I feel like there is more that I can do to help and to get that page out, as it is my main contact with others, and I can do the most with it. I want to help people who are bullied, as well as the bullies who may or may not realize that they are bullies. Bullying can be done in many forms, not just outright and up front. It needs to be stopped, and right now, I feel like I'm not really making an impact on stopping it. I need advice on what to do to help others. I admit that I am struggling and it bothers me. Anyway, here are some quotes that I've already posted on my Facebook page, Stand Up To Bullies that are inspirational and might make you think!

Thanks for reading, and remember to be kind to others!

God bless!

Bullying- What I can do! Brochure

This is the content of a brochure by Statesboro Regional Sexual Assault Center that I felt would be perfect for me to share. Here is their information:
515 Denmark St. Suite 400
Statesboro, GA 30458
www.srsac.org
srsac@frontiernet.net
Office: 912-489-6060
Crisis Line: 912-489-2225

I did not write the following, just wanted to share it!

Bullying- What I Can Do!
What is a bully?

• A bully can be a boy or a girl.
• A bully is someone who tries to hurt or scare another child.
• The bully does things on purpose and they do them more than one time.
• Bullies are quick to start fights.
• Bullies like to see kids cry.
• Bullies like to pick on kids that don't have a lot of friends.
• Bullies like to pick on new kids at school.

Kids that are bullied feel sad, embarrassed, confused, helpless, mad, angry, and afraid. Many kids feel that they have to put up with bullying. Many kids don't know how to report bullying. Many kids think bullying is a part of growing up and nothing can be done.

Bullying Behavior

What kinds of things can bullies do?

Bullies bother us by doing different things. Sometimes bullies hit, shove, kick, punch, push, take things, throw things, and can carry weapons. Bullies can also hurt with words. They do this by talking about other people in a hurtful way, name calling, saying nasty words, hurting people's feelings, yelling, screaming, telling mean jokes, leaving kids out of activities, and picking on or attacking people because they are different in some way. Sometimes bullies are just kids that don't know how to play and have fun with other kids without hurting them.

What if I am bullied?

• Talk to the bully. Talk with the bully by yourself or with a friend and tell the bully that you do not like  what is happening to you and that if it doesn't stop, you will have to tell someone. If the bully keeps bothering you, tell someone (parent, teacher, counselor) who can help you.
• Write the bully a letter telling him or her to stop bothering you or you will have to tell someone. Make two copies. You or a friend give the bully a copy and you keep one. If the bully keeps bothering you, give a copy of the letter to someone who can help you.
• Tell someone what is happening to you so they can help.
• If you talk to someone and they don't listen or help you, go and talk to someone else and keep talking until someone listens.
• Make sure you tell the person who is bullying you, when they are bullying, and what they are doing to you

How do I act when I go to talk to my bully?

1. Stand up straight. Stand with your  feet slightly apart so that you feel steady on your feet.
2. Keep your head up.
3. Keep your shoulders straight. Don't bend over.
4. Look the person in the eye, not at the ground or over his or her head.
5. Don't back off when you are talking to your bully. Keep a safe distance between you and the bully.
6. You can take a friend with you when you talk to your bully, but you do the talking.
7. Practice with a friend before talking to your bully. Do not scream and yell. Use a firm voice to let the bully know you are serious.

IF YOU ARE A WITNESS TO A BULLY'S ATTACK:

• Get help from an adult.
• Offer your support to the person who was attacked.

Remember that bullying is a serious problem that affects everyone.

It's Just Not Right...

There is a lot wrong with the world we live in. Society is disgusting, with all of the stereotypes and high-expectations of everyone. If people were just nice and less judgmental, the world would really be a better place. I'm sure many of the young adults who have committed suicide believed something was wrong with them. Something so wrong that they had no reason to live, when in reality whatever bullies made them believe was wrong was either nonexistent or a small flaw that you probably see in many people. People are cruel to others for small things, and things escalate. People are cruel to others for big things, someone's sexuality for instance, and it's not necessary. We live in a cruel, hypocritical, over exaggerating, sickening world. And that's not right. 

Cruel Words

I am so tired of seeing so many cruel posts about Amanda Todd. And I'm sick of people posting questions like "My brother committed suicide cause he was bullied for being fat  and gay. Where's his page?" Well, did you make him one? Did you do everything you can to get the word out to people that he did that as a result of being bullied for who he was? I doubt it. And if you did, you didn't try hard enough. Bullying is taken too lightly and not enough is done about it. Yet, people like this just want to complain about their loved one's story not being out there. I'd like to share as many stories as possible, but I can't get all of them (there are approximately 4,400 suicides per year, most linked to bullying). So, people need to share their stories. Get them out there. Do not stand aside and let others get bullied into suicide. Do something about it. Make a difference. Change lives. Do not sit idly aside and then complain that nothing got done, because you can, and should, do something if you have a problem with it.

Back to Amanda Todd: the girl suffered enough when she was alive. It's so disrespectful to continue to say rude things about her after her death. Nobody's family should have to read or see some of the things that are being posted. She made a few mistakes, like every person in the world does, get over it!

Facebook Page

I have created a Facebook page to make conversation and interactment with others easier. The page is called:

Here is the link to it:

Stand Up to Bullies on Facebook

I hope that all who read this blog will take the time to like this facebook page, as well as to get the word out that anyone in need of help can message us.

Have a great day and always think before you speak!

Video!!!!

Stand Up to Bullying Message

Logo Now, Video to Come

So, the situation with Amanda Todd has really inspired me in different ways:
1. Her death is so widely known because her mother wants to make the issue of bullying be known, as well as to stop bullying, yet Amanda is still being bullied after her death.

2. I've read different stories of people who have committed suicide because they were bullied, and none of these deaths should have ever happened. Most of them are young children.

3. The way people treat each other, especially in schools, needs to change. I've known this a lot longer than since the death of Amanda Todd. But, her story has inspired me to read others' and to do something to possibly prevent others from ending their lives due to similar situations.

Therefore, I'm going to try to raise awareness and, ultimately, help those who are being bullied.

I'm in the process of making an anti-bullying video, theme-inspired by Amanda's video, which you can see in my last post. I will be posting this on my blog as soon as its done.

But, right now, I am going to be posting my "logo!" Yayyyyyy.

And I am currently pondering whether or not I should create a Facebook page?

Anyway, here's the logo I hope that many will see, not for the looks, but for the reason behind it. (It's nothing special anyway.)

Amanda Todd

I have seen plenty of people saying very rude things about Amanda Todd on websites, such as Facebook. This is what I had to say to them...

Okay, I understand some people think she may have brought everything on herself and that she could have been smarter about some things, there is no need to be rude and cruel. People make mistakes, people get scared, there can be consequences to those mistakes. Some people don't know how to handle certain situations as well as others. She was in pain, and the cruel people in this world were not helping her. Although I agree that she should not have killed herself, I'm not going to say anything bad about this poor girl. What I'm trying to say is, it isn't necessary to talk about this unfortunately deceased girl in the way some of you are. Y'all actually disgust me, to be honest. People like you are the reason that people are going through hard times like Amanda did. So, calm down with the rude comments and keep them to yourself, please. At least think of the family. I'm sure they don't want to hear people discuss Amanda in such an unintelligent manner.

We live in a sick and cruel world. While I understand she may have had bad judgment, I believe that what led to her death was not her fault. She was vulnerable when she was younger it seems and that things just escalated out of control since then. She was BULLIED because of mistakes millions of people make everyday, so it's not necessary to call her a "slut" or a "whore" or any of those cruel words. I just wish people would understand this, because apparently many don't and it is really bothering me. I just hope that many of people are looking at this situation and attempting to stop something like this from happening to others. BULLYING NEEDS TO STOP! Rest in peace, not just Amanda, but to ALL of the children and people who have killed themselves due to being bullied and treated cruelly by the disgusting people that live in this world.

Bullies led to her death, not a couple of simple mistakes that  she made that many others make everyday, and some make them repeatedly. She was hurting and in pain, because of people that were cruel to her. And there are sick people in this world that are still making awful comments about her. 

This is a video she posted on YouTube approximately a month before she took her own life; it tells her story.
Amanda Todd's Story: Struggling, Bullying, Suicide, Self Harm

This is a blog that simply tells the story and pretty much agrees with my thoughts on this terrible situation.
R.I.P. Amanda Todd


Now that you've seen those, look at these sick people...

People like the ones who made these are bullies. They're the reason that people do something like she did. 

People need to be more respectful of not only the memory and death of Amanda Todd, but to others who have done the same as her and to others that struggle in situations similar to hers.